Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
