girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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