I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ttyl tear gas
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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