u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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