Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
