So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
