I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
