I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
