my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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