Don't you send me to vm
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
