My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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