I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
