My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
soo... how was my night?
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