I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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