just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
