Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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