I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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