Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
