the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
