I think i peed on brittanys purse
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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