Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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