I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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