You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
