im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
