At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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