Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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