just come out here and I will go home with you...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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