You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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