i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
