Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
