There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
