i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
