Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
