The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
