Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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