Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Barsexuality is the new black.
My balls are so social today.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
