I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
