Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
