I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
