I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
