Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
