he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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