She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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