My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We need a shit load of segways right now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
