Betty ford says i'm here all night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
