He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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