ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
