Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
