I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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