Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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